It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
