things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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