I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
