If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
