She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
