My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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