Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
