Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
