i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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