I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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