so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
a search helicopter?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
