I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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