he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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