the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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