So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize