OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
