Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
