I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
