I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
