And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
