Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
