well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
