True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
