I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
