I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
