You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize