Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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