ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
