Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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