If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
