Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
