After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
