My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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