You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
