ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
