Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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