im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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