Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
