Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize