I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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