he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
