He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
