Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
