So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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