About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
