dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
