I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
