my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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