Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
