Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
