he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
