Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
did i just pee glitter
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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