I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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