My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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