I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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