Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
