Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
