Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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