If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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