At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
