My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
