Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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