Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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