Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
